Don’t judge yourself against media myths or locker room talk. Sex drives vary as much as any other human trait.
The media bombard us with stereotypes about male sex drive. On TV, men often seem ready to have sex at a moment’s notice. James Bond can outrun and outgun an enemy one minute and drop tux with a willing beauty the next. In a men’s magazine, a real-life hunk boasts of being a “testosterone machine.”
It’s enough to make any man wonder. If you want sex a lot, are you a caveman? If you’re not a sexy beast, are you a loser? Just what is a normal sex drive?
Am I normal?
We humans vary widely in many physical and emotional ways. People can range from very tall to very short, from fat to thin, from sensitive to stoic. Likewise, men’s desire for sex can range from extreme to minimal. There’s no right or normal level.
What is normal is to worry that maybe there’s something wrong. Some men suspect they’re oversexed. Others fear that they aren’t up to par. You might worry because of how you think other men are. (Hint: Some men have been known to exaggerate.)
Don’t judge yourself against media myths or locker room talk. Whether you want sex once an hour or once a month is not the point. If you are healthy and satisfied with your sex life, you’re fine.
Houston, we have a problem
Problems can arise in a relationship when the two people’s sex drives are not in synch. Often it’s the man who wants sex more often than the woman does. But in some cases the opposite is true. Either situation can leave both people feeling frustrated and unhappy.
Here are some ideas that could help:
- Focus more on enjoying each other and less on the outcome. You can have a loving, intimate sex life without having an orgasm.
- Don’t push your partner into having sex when she doesn’t want it. This can create resentment.
- See a counselor or qualified sex therapist to help you find ways to make both of you feel good.
The thrill is gone
Some men don’t have a great desire for sex. A low sex drive that’s stable is not a cause for concern, although a sex drive that has changed may be.
Many things can affect your sex drive, including:
- Certain medications, such as some antidepressants and heart medicines
- A low level of testosterone or thyroid hormone
- A problem with your relationship, such as feeling criticized or unsupported
Age can also play a part. Most men notice a slow decline in sex drive starting in middle age. A sudden drop may point to another cause.
If low sex drive worries you or your partner:
- Talk to your doctor. He or she can look for health issues that could be causing the problem.
- See a counselor if you think the change reflects a problem in your relationship.