Sex is the glue that holds a relationship together. How much “glue” the two of you need is not a pre-set amount — that is up to you. But if your sexual life is working well, then you’ll feel better about yourself and you’ll feel healthier. Even if your sex life is satisfactory, if you don’t try a new position or something new, like sharing a bubble bath, your sex life will become boring. If you try a new position, it will put a glow on your face. Your walk will be more energetic and your whole outlook on life will be more optimistic. Having better sex can strengthen your relationship and your bond of intimacy and can make you feel emotionally and physically satisfied. Here are smart ways to help you improve your sex life this year.
Assess the situation
There’s nothing wrong with taking a closer look at your sex life; in fact, I recommend it. Just don’t compare it to what you think everyone else is doing. In the first place, people exaggerate when it comes to sex surveys. Once a week becomes once a day. But more importantly, we all have individual needs and they don’t fit into the same mold. So in assessing the state of your sex life, you have to take into account the many factors of your relationship, such as your age, whether or not you have children and whether both partners work.
Write down the various parts of your sex life, the good and the bad. Ask yourself, does my sex life need improving? Are we having enough sex? Is our sex life boring? Should we be trying other positions? If we stopped having sex in our bed, would that make it better? Remember, the amount of sex you have will change. Warmer weather, for example, might kick your hormones into a higher gear. And as the years go by, it’s normal that there will be even more changes in your sex life. Take them as they come.
Change is good
From your assessment, see what could easily be changed, and make a point of changing it. For example, if you think your love life is boring, then make a point of having sex in other parts of the house. If there are kids around, then try the back seat of your car or in the hall closet. Any variety can make a big difference.
In addition to physical changes, such as having sex in a new position or in a different place, you can also make changes to your mental state. One simple way of doing that is enacting a fantasy in your mind while you’re having sex. You have to be careful about revealing fantasies to a partner, though some are certainly safe enough. For example, if you’d always dreamed of making love on a desert island, why not turn your bed into one? You could buy a CD that plays ocean noises. You could focus a heat lamp onto the bed. You could share a warm bottle of beer. And you could pretend that right off the edge of the bed sharks are circling, so that you’d want to cling tightly to each other. By putting your imagination to work, you can create many such scenes. If you think your partner will be receptive, go ahead and reveal it. If you’re unsure, you might want to drop indirect hints to see how your partner might react.
Orgasms aren’t all there is to sex. Most women recognize that they need foreplay to have an orgasm, but after play — that wonderful feeling of being held and caressed after you’ve had an orgasm — is also an important part of the overall experience.
Have good sex all year long!
You should remember that having “better” sex doesn’t necessarily mean having “more” sex; it could mean that when you do have sex, you enjoy it more. Enjoyment above all should be your goal.
Schedule sex into your day: You can start off by using plain old common sense. If you and your partner haven’t had sex in a while, then do something about it. And right away. Schedule an appointment for tonight. If you have to set your alarm for 2 am or 5 am, then do that. Just don’t keep putting it off.
Find help in books: If you’re having difficulties, go out and buy a book on sex — or two or three. And read them. Not necessarily all the way through, but at least about the area where you are experiencing some difficulty.
See a therapist: And if you can’t handle some issue on your own, then make an appointment to see a sex therapist. If your sex life needs professional assistance, then you really should not neglect this area. If you needed glasses to see better, you wouldn’t hesitate to see a doctor. But when it comes to sex, people have this attitude that they can live without it, so if they run into difficulties, they try to give it up rather than go to seek professional guidance on how to restore their sexuality. This is a big mistake. Feeling sexually frustrated affects your personality in many ways, and it also affects your relationships. So don’t allow issues with your sexual health to fester, but instead do something about them.
Disclaimer: If the end result of your assessment is that your problems are too big for you to handle, then go see sex or marital therapist. Look at it as an investment in your relationship. Don’t expect a total overhaul, but you’ll see that even small changes can make a big difference. You may also want to consult a physician to rule out any medical conditions that could be affecting your sexual pleasure, such as stress, depression, vaginismus, anxiety disorders or other medical concerns including diabetes, heart disease, or thyroid disease.