Adult Crushes: Healthy or Harmful?

Adult Crushes Healthy or Harmful

Do you swoon over celebrities – or even the barista who hands you your morning coffee? Discover how innocent crushes can actually help your relationship.

He’s tall, dark and handsome. He’s courteous and polite. He always asks how you’re doing and whether there’s anything else he can do for you. You look forward to seeing him every morning. Unfortunately, he’s not your husband – just the guy serving you at the coffee shop!

Your heart skips a beat

It could start with a glance. Our eyes tend to linger on the faces of people we find attractive. The person is likely a total stranger and that’s part of the intrigue.

It’s not uncommon to swoon over someone you barely know or even a celebrity. In your mind, this person can be anyone you imagine – with no faults at all.

Having a crush doesn’t necessarily mean you are unhappy with your partner or want to be unfaithful. It may just be a safe way for you to experience an ego boost. It may make you feel like a teenager again or keep you smiling to yourself all day.

Enjoying a crush: the benefits

Buying a cup of coffee from the cute barista might simply be a bright spot in an otherwise boring day. An innocent crush like this is most likely harmless. A crush might also improve a current relationship by making you feel confident and happy. In this way, a crush isn’t really about the other person – it’s more about you and your feelings.

Having a crush could also renew romantic feelings for your current partner. That’s because you might see shades of your mate in the person you’re smitten with – perhaps a great sense of humor or bright smile. Plus, feeling your heart flutter can remind you of what it first felt like to fall in love. So you might be inspired to reconnect with your partner in that same “love-at-first-sight” way again.

When does a crush cross the line?

A crush is fine as long as it enhances or doesn’t affect a current relationship. If it starts to take away from it or interfere with your job or daily life, that’s when you need to think about the situation. This is more likely to happen if you have a crush on someone you have regular contact with, such as an acquaintance, friend or coworker.

Crushes can also be risky when they come about because you’re unhappy at home. If you fantasize about someone else because you are bored or your partner isn’t there for you, your relationship could be at risk.

Here are some signs that your crush is becoming too serious:

  • You’re distracted by thoughts of your crush while you’re with your partner.
  • You share things with your crush that you don’t tell your partner, or lie to your partner if confronted about your crush.
  • You spend more time daydreaming about or talking to your crush than your partner. If your crush is a celebrity, this might apply if you spend a lot of time reading about him or her in magazines or online.
  • You fantasize about cheating on or leaving your partner.

If your crush crosses the line, counseling – on your own or with your partner – might help you work things out. But if your heart just skips a beat when you see or think about a handsome stranger or beautiful movie star, enjoy it. A little fantasy can be good for you and your relationship. And if you’re single, maybe you can make that fantasy come true!

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